3 Easy Steps to Cope with Back-to-School Anxiety

Blog Layout

3 Easy Steps to Cope with Back-to-School Anxiety

Kathryn Gardner • August 11, 2022

3 Easy Steps to Cope with Back-to-School Anxiety

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate Program links are included in this article. If you purchase the item, there is no increase in the price. Thank you for supporting Tranquility Moms - we appreciate you!

Each school year has back-to-school jitters for different reasons. Maybe the kids are going to a new school or this next grade is going to be a tough one or you are juggling a return to work at the same time. For our family, I knew this year’s return to school would feel different. After 4 years at our Chicago school, we are adjusting to a new state (Florida), new home, new school system (did I tell you the kids start at 9:40am here!!), new teachers and all new friends. That’s a lot of things to worry about! I needed tools to help me and the kids manage anxiety. Here's what worked for me!

As we walked into the cafeteria at the Meet the Teacher event, with its newly polished floor, both kids were carrying their school supplies and eager to meet their new teachers. As we approached the check-in table, my mild anxiety turned to panic. She explained that she could not find us in the system. What?! I was on-top of all of it. I did the paperwork, got the forms completed and answered anything the Registrar asked. I hate surprises (most anxious people do) and this was out of left field. Had I missed something? Was there an email in my overflowing Inbox that I didn’t open? Ugh, I hate feeling unprepared. My stomach was in knots and I started to get hot. Panic had set in.

Have you had this happen to you? Have you been spinning and needing to reset quickly? Have you jumped to conclusions and imagined only the worst?

To help your kids manage their school anxiety, I put together a Return to School Anxiety YouTube video during Covid. I share many great tips about how to adjust to a new school year! We all need tools to be more flexible as the unexpected comes up, ways to improve our communication and how to set-up a plan with the entire team, including the teacher. Our kids need us to understand what worries them and help them to find solutions.

As for you mom, I would love to share one of my favorite anxiety tools - the AAA model. I came up with this simple 3 step process when I was in grad school helping elementary school children. It really does apply to any situation that is bothering you or your family. The AAA model is Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

First, take a look at what is going on, what shifted, what set off your emotional spin. If you can be aware of what is bothering you, what sensations you have in your body, what thoughts are racing through your mind or what feelings you are having - you’ll be able to take the next step to decrease all of the anxiety. Second, you want to separate what you can do about this situation from what you cannot do about it. So many of us waste energy and resources focusing on the issues from the perspective of what we have absolutely no control over. It is going to calm you and bring you a quicker solution to focus on what you can change. Lastly, one of the best ways to combat anxiety, worry and fears is by taking action. Sitting around dwelling or spinning wastes so much of your energy. Let’s take a look at that list of things we can change and make calls, change plans, or whatever it takes to decrease the stress.

AWARENESS

Each time you feel anxiety, you are triggered - either externally or internally. Externally is referring to the car that drove too fast and then cut you off or your child screaming in public or a big rainstorm ruining your picnic plans. These triggers or areas that bother you, are outside of yourself. They are happening around you and to you. That’s the difference, internal triggers are happening right inside of your body. Your body’s alarm system may have gone off and it made you dizzy or you feel hot or sick to your stomach. The brain scans and thinks, “oh uh, is everything okay? She feels badly, something must be WRONG!” And then your brain pumps out even more Adrenaline for you to Fight, Flight or Freeze.

When you feel anxiety in your body or your mind, take a look around. What happened to set it off? This awareness is so powerful. The more I practice paying attention to that shift within me, I get better and better at noticing if it was something happening around me or my body sensations. For instance, in that school line, I felt social anxiety - what will they think of me? What kind of mom do they think I am? Does everyone think I am unorganized and messed up their school registration? Danger - my kids will not get into school because of my failures! These irrational questions are what I had to be aware of to talk myself back down out of the panic. If you have read my posts on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety, you know, your thoughts are so powerful in how you manage daily anxiety.

Now, you try. Have you felt anxiety today? Analyze it - what was going on? Where were you? What happened before you started to feel anxiety, worry or fear? Write it down in your notebook.

Do you have a cute blank notebook? My daughter and I designed the Tranquility palm tree journal notebook - buy it today on Amazon Prime for $5.33!

Common worries moms have about Back-to-School:

What if my child needs me?
What if I forgot something for her school bag?
What if she eats lunch alone?
What if he is crying and I’m not there?
What if I’m late for work after dropping off my child?

ACCEPTANCE

After you have taken the time to explore what was happening to lead to your anxiety, the next step is to divide it into What You Can Control and What You Cannot Control.

So many times, we spin about things we cannot control. We lose so much energy and spend so much time on the things we cannot change. Control means that you can shift the outcome - you cannot change the rainy weather, however, you can be prepared with umbrellas. You cannot control your aunt’s criticisms, however, you can decide how long to make the dinner visit. You cannot change the amount of traffic on the way to daycare, however, you can call and explain that you are stuck in traffic. Are you seeing the pattern?

Each situation has parts that you can and cannot change. As you look back at the example you wrote down from today’s anxiety, what can you control and what can you not control?

Common areas moms realize they can and cannot control about Back-to-School:

I cannot change what time school starts in the morning, however, I can write out the Morning To-Do list for each child to follow.
I cannot be there for each emotion my child has during the school day, however, I can ask after school how the day went and come up with a plan for upcoming days.
I cannot make kids like my child, however, I can role-play with my daughter how to start conversations with new people.
I cannot be there to listen to the teacher explain the math homework, however, I can help the best I can with homework and send a note to the teacher with any questions.

As you read those examples, this leads us to where to put our efforts and energy to make the situation better. To decrease the anxiety and body sensations, an Action Plan will help you and your family feel calm and confident.

ACTION

I'm telling you, we all feel better when we can DO something in a scary situation. We don't like to just spin in our fears without using that physical Adrenaline we are pumping.

My husband just retired as a Chicago Police Officer after 27 years. He has so many stories of jumping in and helping in scary situations. You never want to stand there helpless. We feel stronger after changing the situation for the better.

When your anxiety is climbing up, your best outlet is Doing Something Constructive. Take a look at your list in your notebook, based on the list of items you CAN control, turn those into an Action Plan.

Taking action gives your brain a new focus, you'll feel empowered and anxious adults love the C word ~ "control."

Common Action Plans for Back-to-School

Create a board in the kitchen with the morning routine
Email the teacher with your observations
Role play with your daughter on how to ask a question in class (she can be the teacher in the first round and you'll be the nervous student!)
Go through a list of other boys in your son's class and ask about their interests and what they might have in common

This is going to be a great year - because you are working on improving yourself. The stronger you are mom, the more your family will thrive! I hope the AAA model will help you as much as it helps me!

However your school year begins - yes, our kids got into their classrooms and we have very nice teachers - you can be aware of what triggers your anxiety, what you can and cannot control and come up with a great action plan to make it a successful year!

Upcoming book in 2022 by Kathryn Gardner ~ Find Tranquility on Your Family Trip: Rest, Recharge and Connect on Your Family Trip. Plus 100 Christian Family Travel Activities

So glad you are on this journey with me to go from stressed to refreshed! Find your tranquility today!

Be well and God bless,

Coach Kathy

Kathryn Gardner, mom of 2, police wife, and Therapist specializing in the wellness of moms & Certified Health Coach moved with her family to Tampa, FL to be near the ocean and explore the health benefits of nature. Her passion is helping stressed moms find tranquility! Check out TranquilityMoms.com for the latest blog post and YouTube video. She posts encouraging messages on Instagram and Facebook.